ずっと気になっていた黛敏郎さんの涅槃交響曲の録音をやっと聴きました。西洋と東洋が混じり合った不思議な響きだけれど、オーケストラの心を持って行かれる響きと自分のルーツに近くて問答無用で体に入る声や間が同時になっていて聴いていて気持ちよかった。
自分に責任がなくて気にする必要もない事柄にとらわれている時に、そこからえいやっと抜け出すのは時にはしんどいし、気合いがいるけれど、回路を切り替えるのに私は違う言語、私の場合はつたないけれど英語、で心を整理して観察してみる事にしている。ちがう回路を通すと不思議とスッキリ無駄がなくなるから。考え方は社会構造に結びついていて、社会は言葉と繋がっているからその輪が負の方向に向かっている時には断ち切る事に違う言語はとても役に立っている。自分に出来る事を毎日この瞬間一生懸命やって結果を受け入れればよいのだと。それが人の為になれば嬉しいし、ならなければ次があるから。
I met my mother few days ago in Tokyo. She came to visit her old friends. She gave me some of her and my father's handmade dishes for me, like a photo above. It made me very happy, not because it tastes good but also I could felt their love for me.
Finally, I had a chance to listen Mr. Mayuzumi's masterpiece, Nirvana-sumohony recorded in 1995. I could hear both western and eastern sound at the same time, but it just melted into one. I like it very much. Especially after watching Noh-theatre, I can clearly feel my roots from Japanese traditional singing in this symphony.
Sometime, we met something uncontrollable but attached to it even if you didn't want to. It didn't create anything, we know it very well, but it's hard to tear myself off, it need a lot of energy to do it. When I'm in this situation, I tried to think in English to clear my mind, even though my English is very poor. It's like a thinking with different circuit. The problems often connect to the society, and society is consist by communications, and it was based on our language. So when I couldn't find my answer or couldn't see the things clearly but couldn't find the reason, I just try to leave the situation once, and re-think with different circuit to clear things out. Often I find what I want and what should I do or should I not do. I think this is the one of the biggest treasure that I get form my experience with studying abroad. If my answer helped the people around me I am more than happy and if not so I always say to me self that I have next chance to contribute to someone. It helped me to go forward.
